i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Randomize
