I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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