Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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