Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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