the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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