You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
