as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
