What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
