I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
