Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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