Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
