True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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