I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Randomize
