I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
