My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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