the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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