Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
