I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
