I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize