He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
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