I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Never underestimate the power of titties
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize