cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
