I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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