and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Randomize
