It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
There are leaves in my underwear?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
