I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
