Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
