Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
