thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
