I think im going to throw up on grandma
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
