so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I want her autograph on my taint
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
