The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
