We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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