She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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