so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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