Where are you?
In a non slutty way
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
