im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
