Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
