listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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