So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
