Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I pour the whiskey from now on
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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