I think im going to throw up on grandma
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
there was a trapeze. enough said
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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