If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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