are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
