I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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