I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
