I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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