He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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