He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Houston, we have a squirter
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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