Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
