He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
