So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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