i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
