Buhtt sex?
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
We don't watch enough power rangers
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize