bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
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