Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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