OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
