Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
