Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
