Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
