Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
These tits shall not be calmed
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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