just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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