im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
