there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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