quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
