Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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